Stop Waiting for the Question and Take the Reins

Have you found the guy you could see yourself living a life with? Are you starting to get antsy about the next step, wanting to get truly committed? You don’t have to wait for a leap year to take the traditional route to popping the question yourself. It’s 2017, and we all have to be willing to step up to the plate to take what we want. Here’s how you take that proposal for yourself.

Is He Ready?
Some might think that if he’s ready, he might have asked already. But relationships are getting longer before marriages now and you might have been pre-engaged for a while. Look at some of the signs you might as if you were expecting a proposal. How willing is he to have conversations about the future and his wants for that future? How much time are you spending with his family and how much is he spending with yours? Does it look like your lives are becoming more entangled? If so, it might be the right time. But you should also consider how conservative his values are around relationships. If he’s a more of a traditionalist, then he might not appreciate the surprise proposal but a frank discussion instead.

Talk to his Family
It’s traditional for a man to talk to the lady’s family before popping the question. But it’s more than an archaic pleasantry. A good relationship between the couple and one another’s family can be a blessing leading up to and during a wedding. So, you should talk to his family about it, too. Start talking to your potential future mother-in-law, letting her know what you plan to do and asking her advice about her “baby boy”. If you’re close with the family, it might even be a nice surprise to get them involved in the engagement.

Pop the question
So, how do you actually propose to him? There are a lot of ways to do it. You could arrange a date at a spot that means a lot to you, whether it’s where you first met, first had a date, first kissed. You can surprise him with a proposal embedded in a hobby of his, whether it’s at a home team game or left in messages in a videogame he’s obsessed with at the moment. What you don’t have to do is craft an elaborate holiday to get him all romanced up. Keep it simple, keep it heartfelt.

Make your Mark Together
Some women like having an engagement ring ready for the question. They want to reverse the usual tradition and there’s nothing stopping you from doing that. Either way, it’s a big deal that you take some of the absurd traditional pressure over whether or not he has to buy you a ring that he’s had to save and scrounge for. Do you care more about the price of a ring or about being engaged to the man you love? If it’s the latter, you can find your engagement ring together and be a bit savvier as you look for something that isn’t going to burn a hole in his bank account. There are a lot of places you can skip the middlemen that are the jewelers and get the ring directly from wholesalers, for instance.

Start planning
This is where the real fun (and real stress) begins. But it doesn’t have to be as stressful as you imagine. You’ve already bucked one trend and they say start as you mean to go on. You can take a 30-day approach to planning the wedding, for instance. That means you have a lot more time to simply enjoy the engagement and feel all loved up leading to the big day. It also gives you the opportunity to start telling the right people first. With a lot of the pressure of the proposal taken off him, you’re likely to see your man being a lot more proactive to help in the planning as well.

We’re told to expect a proposal from the right man, to let him come to the conclusion himself, and to simply wait. More women are deciding they don’t want to be that passive anymore. No more pussyfooting around the subject. It’s ridiculous we’ve been taught to believe in waiting for the question and avoiding the subject before then all in the chase of some silly high. The surprise isn’t what makes a proposal so emotional. If you want a lifelong relationship with your man, then step up to the plate and ask for it. You can do this.